Being alone is often viewed as undesirable. The very idea of it has been frowned upon by society for centuries. In fact, the thought that those who are alone are lonely has been played out in the media time and time again. We are ingrained to believe that if we are alone something is wrong with us, and it is this media driven belief that often causes people to settle for less than they truly deserve; especially when it comes to intimate relationships.
What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.
- Ellen Burstyn
Yes. Being alone can be difficult, even painful, at times but it can also be liberating, enlightening and lead to a happier and more fulfilling life overall.
Learning to be alone is an important step that everyone who hopes to live a complete and happy life should take. It is a lesson that holds many other lessons within itself and never stops teaching us. You can learn many things about yourself, and others, through being alone and learning to enjoy it. It truly is one of the pathways to a better life.
Being alone has always been depicted as a bad thing. Movies, television and music portray being alone, especially when it comes to single women, as desperate and pathetic. There is this idea that being alone means sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring while we analyze how little people care.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
Learning to be alone means that we are free from the chains that bind us. It means that we are more open to exploring ourselves and we are more focused on our specific needs. When we learn to be alone and love ourselves, we often end up opening the doors to being happier with another person when the time comes.
Being Alone Can Be A Beautiful Thing:
Take a moment to watch this inspiring video on the power of being alone.
If you have recently separated, divorced or broken it, it can be difficult to accept that you are alone, but there is really no better time to enjoy yourself and use the opportunity to get to know yourself. Learning to be alone does not have to be difficult and the benefits that come with it are worth the effort. There are many valuable lessons that being alone can teach…
10 Lessons You WIll Learn Through Being Alone:
- The past belongs behind you: When we constantly seek the company of others, especially when it comes to romantic relationships, we never truly take the time to release the past. All of this baggage piles up over time and before you know if you are hauling a cart full of regrets through the door of a new relationship. The past belongs behind you, and it is important that you take the time to leave it there. Holding on to past relationships does not mean you still have feelings for your previous mate, in fact it can occur on an unconscious level. When a partnership ends we tend to need time to sort the good from the bad, many people fail to take this time and end up repeating patterns that cause them pain. It is the age-old question we have all heard someone ask, “Why do I always date this ‘type’ of guy?” and the answer is simple; because you did not leave the past in the past and allow the lessons to serve their purpose. Take time alone to assess your past and find the things you loved and those that you hate. Make a plan for the future based on these central ideas and you will be off to the right start.
- What you truly need is out there somewhere: Everything happens for a reason, it is true. There is a reason that things did not work out and it is your job to accept that. Being alone is an excellent time to determine if what you have been doing up to this point is truly right for you. It is common for people to live with regrets and think that what they need has somehow passed them by, but this is not the case. If what you truly needed was in your life it would have never slipped away. Take the time you have being alone to gauge how happy you past choices made you and accept that what you truly need is headed your way.
- You are a pretty amazing person: The greatest benefit of being alone is learning about yourself. It can be difficult when you are first alone, especially after the end of a long relationship, to get use to the idea of being alone. It may be awkward at first to go out by yourself, eat by yourself and simply be by yourself. It may be very hard for you to entertain yourself and you may find it difficult to fill your time, but persevere. One of the most wonderful parts of being alone is being in amazing company. Take this time to get to know who you are at this point, because I will guarantee that it is different from the person you think you are. I thought I was an extrovert. I loved to be around people and I was always the life of the party. I was outgoing, outspoken and often outrageous, that is who I was. After my long-term relationship came to an end I stopped and realized how long it had really been since I had been alone. Even before this relationship began I was constantly surrounded by people, I was never truly by myself. This realization was interesting, and I decided to take some time just to be with me. What I discovered was life-changing. I was not necessarily the outgoing, outspoken outrageous person I thought I was. In fact, the more time I spent alone, the more I realized how much I really enjoyed being alone. I discovered that I was a pretty amazing person, a person who was deeper, stronger and more wonderful than I originally thought. Being alone taught me to love myself in ways that I would have never discovered otherwise. It helped to shape me into a person I am proud of and comfortable with. It raised my confidence ten-fold, and allowed me to act on things that fit my true personality.Take your time alone to reflect on how you describe yourself and question if these traits are who you truly are today. Just like situations, people change, you may find you are far more amazing than you originally thought.
- Love is not always as it seems: There have been millions of different interpretations of what love is over the years, each with its own opinion and view. This is not much different from our own interpretations and our own lives. We often look to define love, and sometimes we are wrong. Being in love may not mean what we think or expect and perhaps because of this we are assuming or forcing it upon a situation. Remember your very first serious boyfriend/girlfriend? For many of us this was long-long ago in a time when life was very different from it is today. When you think about how your first ‘love’ made you feel you may think back and realize that you thought it was 100% real, they were ‘the one’, and you may have thought you would spend your life with them. Unless you are part of the lucky few who found their ‘soul mate’ at a young age, chances are you have come to the realization that this ‘first love’ was not the love of your life. True love, real-fairytale love, doesn’t fade, it grows stronger with time. It evolves, it changes, but it does not fade. It is important that while you are taking time being alone you consider what important aspects you want in a partner, as well as which you have within yourself and which you can improve. This type of reflection will help when the time comes for you to be with another person and will create a stronger, more meaningful bond.
- You still have so much to accomplish: Being alone is not the end of the world, in fact it may be the beginning of your life as you know it. Being alone, and learning to enjoy it, can present opportunities that would not have otherwise arose. When you are alone you have no one to answer to but yourself, this means that the only person holding you back from accomplishing anything you desire is you. Life is a series of choices, and we tend to take the easiest route when we are in relationships because our actions affect more than just us. Being alone can be an excuse to take risks, knowing that the only person they are truly affecting is you. Think of the things that you have always wanted to accomplish and look for simple ways to incorporate them into your daily life. If you had dreams of being a poet in your younger years, take the time to write. If you always wanted to learn to Salsa dance, sign up for lessons. Fill your free time with things that help you accomplish your goals, even if you can not fully reach them, you can get yourself closer or submerge yourself in the culture which will lead you in a new direction and teach you all sorts of new lessons.
- You still have so much to appreciate: Sometimes it takes losing everything to realize how much you truly have, this is especially true when it comes to being alone. Breakups, divorce and loss can be devastating, but they can also help you appreciate all the wonderful things that you have in your life. Sure, maybe you do not have the physical companion you once did, but you are armed with a great deal more knowledge and you have much to appreciate. Consider starting a gratitude journal as you adjust to being alone at first. Each morning when you wake up take a few minutes to jot down something you are thankful for that day.
- Being alone does not mean being lonely: Whoever said being alone means being lonely could not have been more wrong. The only thing causing loneliness is your own mind. Being alone can in fact be quite fulfilling. It gives you a chance to assess where you are in you life and what you want for your future. It provides you with the opportunity to get to know yourself and to work towards your goals that may have been pushed aside due to the attention that partnerships require. It allows you to appreciate the amazing person you are, and gives you the chance to work on being comfortable in your skin. Being alone is not lonely, it is a major tool to a happier and more fulfilling life.
- You deserve so much more: Look to your past and consider all of the times that you settled, again this is especially true when it comes to relationships. Because of the way society portrays being single as unappealing many people fear being alone and instead settle for relationships that are less than they internally desire. You Deserve More Than That! Everyone deserves to have someone who loves them and treats them with respect. Everyone deserves a partner that sees them as an equal and encourages them to better themselves. Stop settling for relationships where you are compromising yourself or your goals. Stop settling for partners that do not compliment who you truly are, simply to ward off a fear of being alone. Being alone is far better than being with the wrong person because all that does is prolong the inevitable.
- Being alone is inspiring: When you are alone you inspire not only yourself, but others as well. Being alone and learning to be content with it, is a way of inspiring change and encouraging acceptance. When I made the choice to take time for myself I found that others began to ask me how I did it, and in turn followed suit. My act of getting to know myself on a more personal and individual level inspired others to do the same. Through this, I felt even better about myself and worked even harder to become the best person possible.
- You are never actually alone: The truth is that you are never really alone. There will always be people in your life, whether it is friend and family who love and support you, or intriguing moments spent with strangers. Human beings are designed to connect with other human beings, it is part of our nature. So, even when you feel like you are all alone in this world there are billions of other people right beside you. Take an opportunity while you are spending time being alone to connect with people on a different level. Talk to strangers, give compliments, and share your thoughts. Provide advice to a person in need, make a new friend, volunteer at a retirement home, join a debate team. Find new ways to connect with others and share your ideas, this will help you expand your horizons and make being alone a little less frightening at first.
Being alone may seem frightening, you may worry that you are going to be alone forever, but the truth is you won’t because you are never really alone in the first place. Learning to be alone and enjoy it is one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself. It will allow you to let go of your regrets, learn to love yourself and lead you in the direction you are meant to go. Being alone will inspire you to take risks, try new things, and will even encourage those around you. Perhaps to some it will be undesirable, but if you are truly doing it as a choice to benefit yourself and live the best life possible, those people won’t matter anyway. I found that those who questioned me being alone, those who discouraged it, were the ones that feared the idea and envied it the most.
Being alone and learning to be content that way holds so many benefits and it is worth the effort…
Besides, what have you got to lose?
Until Next Time…
Be Alone and Love it!